disintegrate

rate

HAHA. i was browsing through SHINE's past blogs today. i forgot that our blogs still existed.SHINE1 and SHINE2 Gosh, we were really funny last time. then i came upon our past pictures and i kind of think that we looked weird last time. maybe they have been too many changes in the past one year.

A4/5 classroom! we used to hang out there before gp lessons on friday. i missed doing stupid stuff there. HAHA. YES! i will always remember mei and her shoelace's incident!! :) And And sarah telling us her life story and all her gossips about W and all. :D

it used to be one of my favourite pictures. HAHA. remember farizah had to stand on the chair to take this shot? :)))))

if i am not wrong , this was Sarah's bdae celebration at Swensens. this was the first time that we met at night for any celebrations. AND PEETARD IS WEARING HER FAKE $9.90 ADDIDAS TEESHIRT! Haha. :)

then i came across this entry that mei posted on the blog. it is damn funny!! this is what she wrote : -

something i stole frm one of my og girl's blog. a xin1 li3 ce4 yan4 which she saw on wan2 quan2 yu2 le4. Write down the person who comes to mind when you think of the...

1. Moon (same sex)
2. Water (same sex)
3. Sky (opp.sex)
4. Cloud (opp.sex)
5. Stars (opp.sex)

here's my answer:
1. moon - myself (^^
2. water - priscilla
3. sky - mr tong
4. cloud - nigel
5. stars - can't think of any guyand

here's what they represent:
1. Moon-A good friend whom you confide in.
2. Water-Someone you always bully.
3. Sky-Someone you like.
4. Cloud-Your secret admirer.
5. Stars-Someone who loves you deeply.

the water one is SO TRUE. bwahahahahahahahaha the sky one's true too. but cloud is... -___- nigel? secret admirer? riiiiiiiiite. lol btw jeanette 5566 is advertising a new isotonic drink that's sold at the provision shop at the 853 bus stop. the drink tastes like carbonated h2o. ha. but the poster... i can steal it for you if you want. try to, i mean. i've this urge to do something bad. ha.

HAHA. i guess some things have not changed. Mei STILL likes to bully Peetard. And erm , some of the other answers to your quiz......HAHA.Only Mei knows best right? i know i can always count on you to steal my hus's posters! Haha. You are one funny girl. Love Ya. :)

SHINE was originally 5 pple but i thank God that He expanded this clique to 8 pple.SHINE cum EighTIES, you gave me the best memories in NY and i love you all. :)))))

the most unexpectable thing happened.
yes, just dont think.
Guess what? BANG!! A letter arrived yesterday!
gosh. God works in ways that i cannot see. :)
i guess i wont be going overseas after all.
gosh. i hope i wont be caught up in a situation that i cant handle.

gelare waffles ytd with lynnie.
she can be such a dumb dumb at times.
oops.i tried to help her in her bible study
but i doubt i was of any help. :/
we both need FAITH

the success of a christian life is just to hang in there.
i will never let go of YOU.

but who else can i turn to?

more of YOU and less of me

i'm blogging from work. My stupid computer is lagging really badly and it is making me sleep while waiting for information to be generated. Bleh.

ge dou. :DDDDD this has being the reason why i have been insane for the past few days. the show is sooo freaking exciting that i am dying of excitement. my hus has betrayed me so badly. i keep getting goosebumps whenever i watch him happily being in love with the female lead. ARGH. i am going crazy again. i am hoping that they wont end up together anyway. pris and lynnie are probably diaozing right now. oops. i guess i am really hooked onto the show but who cares anyway? HAHA :)

turn the mirror upside down

how could i ask for more

i love mondays and wednesdays. these are the only two days where i can go home and sit in front of my tv and just watch my favourite shows. They make me laugh and they make me forget about thinking. It is the only time where i can just forget about everything and just be ME. <3 i should learn to lower my expectations of things happening around me. that way, i know i will be more happy.

a promise to trust in You to bring me through each day. lets take one day at the time. Then i dont have to think of the future, i dont have to think of what is going to happen tml and i dont have to think of anything but the day itself. :))))))))

i am glad things are going to work out just fine. :D Plans of going overseas if i dont get into Local Uni. A major backup plan. PHEW :/

ge dou. :)))))))

You're far beyond what i believed

i must admit at times
i have been tempted to depart
i'm tired of the strange and
i feel like i have enough
so i quit i resign i give up and walk away
but who else can i turn?

i will not leave
i got nowhere else to go
You are the only one

whose promises will hold

time and time again
every burden takes its toll
i fall short of your glory
become better on my own
so i escape i hit skunks

i give up and run away
but who else can i turn?

I will not leave
i got nowhere else to go
You are the only one
whose promises will hold

i will not leave

You are my shelter, Lord

- Hold by Parousia

Amen. Your promises will hold.

when You and i collide
i will subside

parousia gig. :) they are such an inspiration to all. i am going to miss going for their gigs. i do hope that they do make it internationally and i hope USA will be receptive to their music. yeahyeahyeah. :D

eighties outing yesterday. yeah, marche's chicken breast and waffles! :)))))) it was a blast as usual. i am sorry if i was a little bit too quiet on the way home. Ya, i got into my little thinking mode and i just didnt feel like talking. oops

met him that day. :(
met them that day. :(
mr him has moved on but jeanette is still stuck in driftland.
move on? Two useless words.
it never works on me at least.
at least it has never worked yet.

if you would override

i feel so vulnerable. i feel so tired of acting strong time and time again.

look beyond the horizon and simply trust. :)

i will not leave
i got nowhere else to go
You are the only one
whose promises will hold

'Leaves on an oak tree
on a cool crisp day
The wind is blowing and
blows the leaves away
Though the wind is invisble
The effects are quite visible'

a simple metaphor. You are the wind and i am your leaf. You will have an effect on a 'leaf' like me. Yes, i am lifting everything in Your hands. We will walk through this journey together. Carry me away and i know i will be lifted again. :)

wake up already.

yeahyeahyeah.iamrunningafteryou

So unto His arms, just run

i am seriously freaking out.
no letters yet. no letters yet. no letters yet.
my friends have been receiving theirs and mine is no where in sight.
but i am still very happy to those who received theirs.
~~maybe i am just not good enough.~~
i really dont know but i just want to have some reassurance.
God will show in due time.
please make the waiting bearable.
i will trust no matter what.
just keep swimming, jeanette.

the storm is never too big

when YOU are around

Dear Sam and Marianne,

When ever you need a hand,
I will give it to you
When you need a friend,
Count on me to always be true

If you ever fall because of
the rough times ahead,I will carry you
If you ever become weak,
because of all we’ve been through
I will fight for you.

When ever you are feeling lonely,
I will be by your side
When you need to talk about any thing
It is in me that you can confide

If you ever want to smile, because sadness has tempted you
I will make you laugh
If you ever need a hug, because your “so called” friends have left you,
I will be there to make it all right

When ever you are feeling depressed,
I will be there to wipe your tears
When you are feeling scared
I will help you conquer your fears

If you ever need to release you feelings,
because of all that has happened
I will be your shoulder to lean on
If ever heartbreak comes your way,
I will be there to relieve your pain

When ever you need guidance,
Depend on me to be to lead you through
When you are feeling unwanted and abandoned,
It will be me saying “I care about you”

Whatever may happen, whatever comes our way
No matter what, our friendship will stay.
So always remember...

If you ever need a hand,
I will give it to you
If you ever need an unconditional friend,
It is me, who will always be true

with love,
Jeanette

another sleepless night.
i wonder how long this will last.
i did something wrong today.
the guilt is creeping in.
i promise this will be the last time.
i think i just contradicted myself.
i dont even know what i am saying anymore.
bleh. i am going to sleep now.

i dont want to say i am scared.
i dont want to worry too.
i am jaded and i am tired of putting a fascade.

But even in times like these, i will say i trust.

some random ranting

// i dont like the way you treat us sometimes. sometimes i dont even know whether you value us as your good friends. sometimes i feel that all these years of friendship is imcomparable to your friends that you have only known for a few years. i dont know how you are feeling so please speak up.

// then you have the place called haven. but sometimes i feel that it is forcing me to become someone that i am not. i am forced to fit in and it is tiring sometimes. there are alot of things that i regretted doing and i know i kind of deserved it. sometimes i wish i could be your age so that i can be your bestest friend in the world. there are alot of things that i cant talk to you about because of the age gap.i sound like a really selfish person and i cant help feeling the way i do. i wish that you, you and you were still here. it was great like that but it isnt the case now.

// i cant believe that my whole future depends on letters. No sign of approval yet and waiting seems like an eternal process.

if you didnt understand what i was writing, it is okay. :)

even if life takes me to somewhere unpredictable, i will hold on.
even if life pulls me down to the deepest level, i will hold on.
even if life forces me to do something against my will, i will hold on.
it is because i have YOU and that's all that matters.
even though i cant see YOU,
i know YOU are watching me from above.
YOU never fail and i will never let go.

// to my secret agenda- i am putting it in Your hands. :)

hold my hand and never let go

towning with pris yesterday.i went on a major shopping spree and i can conclude that shopping is scary!! HAHA. some girl thought that we were sec one or two and she sat down next to us and started promoting her products to us. it was super awkward. oops. do we really look 13? :/ we watched pacifier too. it was really great. vin disel is sooooo hunky!! pris was a major pain because she kept slapping me in the cinema. she is hopeless. :p

house of fury! went to watch with choi queen at suntec today. the show is actually not too bad. fung ah lun is sooooo good looking. i regretted breaking up with him. *faints. i bought a nike top from the nike fair today. i am pretty high now. i am spending my money as if there is no tomorrow. darn, i hope i have enought to last me to 15th May. Oops.

a good sermon today. i guess it was one of the best i heard this year. changes are inevitable. But God's promises never fails. press on and hold on to the faith. He only wants the best for us. :D

i am holding on

it was a better night to end off the horrible day yesterday. i met up with some of my close secondary school mates at ps cartel. it was a blast and i thank God that even though we havent seen each other for so long, we managed to enjoy each other's fellowship. Everyone has changed in terms of appearance but it is great to know that we all have not changed in character. :) So there was phototaking ( in which we did hilarious poses) and a huge meal that we all couldnt finish. Argh. And they loved taking candid shots of me and then refusing to let me erase them. HAHA.i love you guys lots. Someone better plan for the next outing soon. :]

thank you for the damn nice handphone pouch, ess! :D

it is another round of meetup today. i am officially broke. :/

God has a way of dealing with me. :)))))))

dancing in the moonlight

uncertainty ;

edit 01 : i did something stupid again. i went to read someone's blog and i just got reminded that people who got ACC are selfish and self centered.Right on, now i feel worse and i am suspecting that i am not human.i am such a dumb dumb because i just made myself feel worse. why do i find it so hard to forget? does the problem lie in myself? maybe i am what they say i am. i cant be bothered anymore. :O

i received some bad news today. there is no certainty about my future in any university. argh. it is so hard for me to digest and i find it hard to confide in anybody. people may either think i am overreacting or just trying to pity myself. why must nus , ntu and smu have such BERSARK criterias? i do not like uncertainties. in fact, i detest uncertainties. :/

i dont want to give anymore added pressure to my parents. Dad has been asking me about the progress of the university application for the past few days. argh argh argh. :[

hold me tight and pick me up again

i'm bringing Him back to the source. :)

He holds the key to my life

oops. it is another new layout. clara is right. i WILL change my layout. :) yeahyeahyeah.

oh yah, my condolences to sarah. take care, girl. :)

yeah. we should all learn to treasure the people around us. you never know when God comes in and take people away. the fragility of life. people come and go but what is important is that we have left a legacy in them. they will be remembered and always will be. that is something that no one can ever take away from us. they will be greatly missed but hey, someday we are going to see them again. :)

to God, thank you for giving me this life of mine. help me find my purpose. :)))))))

sittting alone on a cresent moon

the mundane routine of life. the 9 to 5 job. the constant staring into the computer. typing the same thing over and over again. the fatigue. the lack of sleep. :/

i miss my old life. HAHA. i cant believe i am actually going to say this but i DO miss studying. At least i never walked alone. When you are working, you really dont have time to meet up with friends. that is why i cant wait for meetups with secondary school friends this week. :)))) eighties, i miss you guys lots. i cant wait for our meetup in 2 weeks time. :D

at least i have been spending more time with my church friends. Thank God. (:

i miss you

HE is the rock on which i stand

"Good music isn't always that real, but music that is real and close to the heart, in my perspective, is always good music. Music to me is an enjoyment, never something to compare with. It can never get better or worse, just more different or the same. What matters most, is the attitude."

i have more respect for you, 89757. i cant wait for your return in may. :))))))) Be strong and take all criticisms well. Prove it to the world that you are better than what they think. :D

you make my heart grow fonder

i am terribly sick. my nose cant help sneezing and i look horrible now. HAHA. :/

on the other hand, i managed to go with lynnie to see my hus today. He was like 40 mins late and we nearly died under the hot sun. nonetheless, my heart skipped a thousand times today. i am one happy girl. lynnie got a new husband again. eeeeeeeew. she is super fickle minded. and i have an added on nickname for her. - HUSBAND-STEALER meanie lynnie dumb dumb dumbell. yeahyeahyeah. :))))))))

we treated each other's desserts at secret recipe. wah, their desserts rock man. i want to go back there again. :)

a journey back to your heart

SMU interview was weird. I think i screwed the whole thing up. They didnt ask me any current political issues instead we talked about Hilter, Traditional Chinese and Western Medicine and History of Singapore. like WTH! i wasnt even expecting those kind of Qns. And just as expected, i 'crapped' my way through.

and i said a word that i shouldnt have said- i said the word 'CONTROL' !! they were asking me about which qualites of Hilter do i look up too? And i went on about talking about his charisma and leadership qualities and i finally said " the way he used all of these to control the whole entire Germany in thinking that killing the Jews was right" BLEH! i used the wrong word and i am freaking dead.i wanted to say "Controlling is okay but not to the extent of controlling people to do something the is morally wrong." but i dont think i said that. Darn it, they probably think i am a big control freak. everyone knows that he manipulated the Germans but that is a wrong reason to look up too. ARGH ARGH ARGH. and they started bugging me about the whole issue of controlling. Darn, i can go jump down now.

maybe i am overreacting but i gave it my best shot. it is not as if i am really aiming for SMU but i just feel that i wasted an opportunity. i just feel a little bit disappointed in myself. i know i could have done better in thinking before answering the Qns. Oh Well, thanks to Sherina who directed me to the Raffles Buidling. it is way off SMU and it was sooo hard to find. :/

it is all up to God now. i am still praying for more directions in my life. :)

this is my cry

my one desire

is to be where you are, Lord

now and forever

A BIG SHOUTOUT TO MY DEAR FRIEND, YINGMEI!!!! Jeanette is going to say that she loves you lots. Jeanette misses Yingmei alot and she cant wait to see her next sunday. So Yingmei Dear, dont be jealous cuz you know i do miss you lots even though i dont write it out. we are supposed to get "married" , remember? So dont dump me anymore. JEANETTE LOVES YINGMEI FOREVER. this sounds really les but who really cares? :D

Jeanette is begging Yingmei to forgive her. :))))))))))

pretty pretty please with cherries on the top?

黑夜的转弯是白昼, 愤怒的转弯是快乐。

how apt.

Haha. it is weird putting a chinese phrase in here. i know it is cheenafied but i really love this phrase a lot. it makes lots of sense doesnt it? maybe keeping a more positive outlook will make my miserable life better. :) i trust in HIS unfailing love. YEAH. Let go, Let God.

peetard : guess where i got this chinese phrase from? HAHA. U find it familiar? of course it is familiar cuz it was said by yuqiao!! :DDDDDDD

praying that the interview will go well tml. :)))

memories
all alone on the moonlight

i got shortlisted for SMU. they just called me up and i have to take leave again. According to Sherina, SMU's Raffles Building is super hard to find. HAHA. i am just feeling odd now. i dont know whether to feel sad or happy. i am just worried they will ask me Qns that i dont know how to answer. :/

SMU is really getting super irritating. they just told me that i dont have to send them my documents to their office but i can just bring them along when i go for the interview this fri. like WTH. i just mailed them today. *Faints. And i realised that they are just trying to shortlist people who did really well for As. They are really striving to be an elite school. i wish they could give away their shortlisting to pple who really wants to get in there. it shouldnt be about grades but it should be about pple who are generally interested in the courses there. But that is just life because it is COMMON SENSE to take in the best. i guess i shouldnt waste this opportunity. :)

Bro is right. i should not worry too much. i just have to do my best. i can always decide later on which university to get in. i really hope NUS has approved my visa transaction already. :)

lynnie foo : you will get shortlisted, dont worry!! beg me to go SMU with you!!! HAHA. then we can form the dumb and dumber gang!! but of course, you will have to be dumber! i love you still in spite the fact that you are trying to steal my hus from me. :))))

embrace the faith, jeanette.- Jer 29 :11

what lies beneath is YOU

//5/5 ;

lynnie foo, stop stealing my husband. you promised me that you will stay faithful to jy. jy is waiting for you to go back to him. jj does not like fickle minded pple like you. HAHA. be good and go back to jy. my hus is only loyal to me. :))))

to the other husband back at taiwan : beware! i am going back there soon to hoot you. how could you go kiss that girl ? HAHAHAHA. you are supposed to be standing on the right side of me! *faints. :/

dont mind me, i am going crazy. Lack of sleep makes pple go mad.

i love you, 89757! :)))))))

// 3/5- 4/5 ;

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, RUTH CHAN!! :)

haha. actually, her bdae was yesterday. i had a fun time staying overnight at her house and celebrating her bdae at suntec ytd. :) we gave her bdae surprise at midnight 12 am. we blindfolded her, made her walk downstairs and 'tortured' her. Then we set up this heart shaped sparkles and started lighting up. Haha. but by the time she took off her blindfold, half of the sparkles had burn finished already. :/ * faints. So hand in hand, we made a smaller heart shaped sparkles and it was simply beautiful when we lighted it up. OMG OMG OMG. *melts.

we baked a cake for her with a monkey face on the top. with our limited art skils, the cake turned out really nice. We wrapped her present with lots of newspapers and on the top of each newspaper was a Qn. The Qns were meant to be ridiculous so that we could use markers to draw on her when she got them wrong. She looked like an idiot after that. It was super funny. :)))))

suntec celebration at kenny rogers and swensons. it was great just sitting and hanging out together. sometimes, i wish we could meet up more often. ruth chan, i hope you liked whatever we planned for you. love ya. :)

the beauty of it all
can be found in your eyes

yes, escape into the world of 3005. right on, my good O husband. :DDDDD

i hate it when "things" happen in my family. i wish we could just be more bonded with the love that comes from God. i dont need anything else. i just want us to be happy and safe. is that too much to ask for? :/

it has been good anyway. just keep moving on, jeanette. Even in my darkest moments, let me shine through.

you put things in perspective, 89757. :)

in weakness, we are made strong.